A Frustrated Mess

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I’ve listened to a lot of internet radio and podcasts lately. I find myself wanting to listen to those things more than music while I’m riding the bus to work. I prefer them over television shows as well. I was thinking about why this sudden change in listening and entertainment habits has happened. I think it’s for the same reasons that the book is always better than the movie, or why I prefer books to video games. The podcast engages a different part of my mind than television or even music. I have to use my mind’s eye to “see” what I’m experiencing instead of being shown.

I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me that I’ve turned to podcasts as a source of entertainment. I haven’t listened to the radio in over a decade, and I’ve also found myself becoming somewhat bored with a lot of the music that I listen to. I’ve had to dig down into my music collection and even look outside of it to keep myself from becoming uninterested in my music completely.

I feel like I got a lot accomplished this weekend. I did all the laundry in the house, cleaned my desk, put together a bookshelf and organized and filled the same bookshelf. I recorded the podcast today as well.

I find that I’m less interested in writing lately. I hate to see that happen to myself. I had so many great ideas for things that I wanted to write about and now I’m having a hard time getting motivated. I think this is at least partly because I’m a little manic and can’t concentrate on things the way I would wish. Whenever I have an idea for things that I want to write about I find that I can’t decide which one to focus on first.

Being bipolar is both a blessing and a curse. I’ve spoken to doctors about my medications and told them that I like being a little manic. I have much more energy, I’m more sociable, and I am more creative. A friend of mine was once told by a psychiatrist that if they could keep them a little manic they would, but that it doesn’t work that way. I’ve been told the same thing. The medications we are given keep us on an even keel, and the depressive low is often just as bad as the mania. If not worse. So that’s not really possible. If someone could create a medication that would allow the manic high, without the negative side effects, and without the depressive crash, it would change the world.

I’ve taken on a new role with the podcast and all things associated with it. I’ve become the self-appointed marketing guru. I’ve begun seeking new ways and places to garner attention for our creative endeavors. I know that it may be a manic pipe dream but I would love to set into motion the creation of a community centered around these efforts. Anyway, I have several ideas in mind that I think would work in this direction.

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